★★★★★ 4
Some good advice
Format: Paperback
Roberta Gilbert's "Extraordinary Relationships" offers useful advice for dealing with family relationships couched amidst an examination of systems theory. Although it is more technical than a lot of self help, it can be used by a general audience.
Gilbert examines the theory of Murray Bowen, who countered notions of individual psychology (like those of Freud) with the theory that personality develops as a result of a family unit. The nuclear family, like a herd of amimals, reacts against each other, speaking a common language that is known only to them. Children raised in that family then detach from the family to form their own adult relationships, where dynamics may follow the family system.
In order to heal adult problems, the author offers some practical advice, like taking the time to observe old patterns as they crop up (family Christmas fights come to mind) with the dispassionate mind of an observer. The author states that individuals will better be able to understand family dynamics and their role in them by doing this.
I've read this book twice, and it has helped me better understand my family, and my role within it. I would recommend it for those who are seeking to better understand their family of origin, and what they can do to improve their present life through understanding the past.
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Reviewed in the United States on November 9, 2002
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